The Many Misadventures and Fortunes of the Crew of Steamboat Willie
by TheNewIdea
Summary: The only thing Captain Pete asked for was a crew. What he got was Mickey, Donald, Jose and Panchito. What he got was an annoying steamboat with a mind of it's own. What he got was something he never expected and always needed. Rated T for language, sexual references, historical charactertures, romantic drama, drama, alcohol references and violence. Rating is subject to change.
1. Steamboat and the RMS Titanic

"Steamboat Willie and the RMS Titanic"

Mickey, Jose, Donald, Panchito, Pete and Steamboat appeared in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Pete looked around and saw an uncomfortable amount of ice around him, "Do you guys have any idea where we are?" he asked, hoping for a quick answer. Jose, Panchito and Donald shrugged, for one minute they were all sitting on Steamboat fishing in Lake Disney and the next they were in the middle of the Atlantic. "Guys" Mickey said as he pulled his head out from Steamboat's storage unit, "I think this time machine might have something to do with it." Pete and company ran down to see if it was possible, hoping that Mickey was lying but sure enough, in the storage unit was a time machine.

The time machine was bolted to Steamboat, as if it were installed there the whole time. In appearance the time machine was a big black box with seven vacuum tubes on top. There was no number pad, no launch button, only a small screen showing the date, the time and the location. Pete leaned in and wiped the glass from the screen to get a better look. "April 14th, 1912...isn't that-" Before he could finish a large ship blew her horn. Steamboat, who was a guy and had a mind of his own, looked on in amazement, "She's beautiful" he exclaimed, "too beautiful." Jose, Donald and Panchito whistled impressively, "Damn" Panchito said thinking of nothing else to say. "I'd never thought I'd ever see it in person" Jose replied, "It's the Unsinkable Ship herself" Donald continued for everyone, "The RMS Titanic."

Pete, taking control of the situation, grabbed the helm and moved towards Titanic, causing everyone to look at him extremely confused, "What are you doing?" Mickey asked, "Making history" Pete answered, "I'm not about to let thousands of people die are you?" Mickey shook his head, "Not me Captain" he answered, "Let's save some lives." Jose, Jose and Steamboat cheered in agreement, Panchito said nothing, too shocked at the prospect of time travel to say anything.

Mickey prepared the lifeboats, while Panchito cleared the deck to make room for as many people as possible. Pete and Steamboat kept a steady course while Jose tried to signal the Titanic with signal flares. "Hey!" Jose cried, "You're all going to die. Get off the ship!" Jose looked at his watch and noticed that it was now exactly midnight. At best they had two hours. Pete shook his head as he put on his blue captain's uniform, "Our only chance is to get on the ship itself" Pete said gravely, "We're probably not going to survive this. If that's the case, it's been an honor serving with you gentlemen." Mickey looked up from his work, "We're not dead yet Captain. So let's live like men today, we can die when this day is over." Pete smiled, loving how Mickey used his own personal motto for life, "Damn straight" he replied.

Steamboat was now next to Titanic and instantly became nervous, trying to think of things to say. Unfortunately the first thing that came out of his mouth was the one thing that you don't say when you're a ship. "So" Steamboat began, "you and me could sink together. Forget these guys, all those people. Screw em...Let me test your rudders baby, let me feel you, let's see how unsinkable you'll be after I grind a big ass hole in your hull." Titanic huffed, insulted and annoyed at the same time, "You're serious right?" she said in a deep and extremely masculine voice, "That's how you introduce yourself, by offering sex?" Steamboat immediately backed off at the sound of Titanic's voice, "Holy shit!" he exclaimed, "Titanic's a guy!" Titanic rolled her eyes, "I'm not a guy. It's all this steel. It makes my voice sound masculine. Now I would love to stay and chat with you but I've got a job to do." Steamboat let Titanic pass on, "Steamboat!" Pete yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing? Get your ass back up to her and get her to stop like we planned! Do whatever you have to do but under no circumstances do you let her pass you up." Steamboat nodded and hurriedly made his way up back to Titanic, while Pete and others finished the final preparations.

Pete turned to Mickey and gave him the helm, "Keep it straight Mick" Pete said, "I'm counting on yah. So don't screw this up." Mickey smiled and saluted Pete, "I won't fail you sir" he replied," You have my word." Pete smiled and embraced Mickey as if he were his son, "I know you won't Mick. You're a damned good first mate and even better friend. I want you to know that, just in case..." Mickey cut him off with the raise of his hand, "Shut up and go do what you do best: save lives." Pete ruffled Mickey's small amount of hair on his head and jumped down to the deck, where Jose and Panchito were waiting. Pete turned to Donald, "Stay here and help Mickey. Keep him on course." Donald nodded and went below deck to get the maps and readout charts. Pete looked at Jose and Panchito, "You guys with me?" Jose and Panchito saluted in response, "Captain Pete!" they declared in unison. "Well alright then. Here's what I need you to do. As soon as we get on the ship...no women and children rule, that's just dumb...get Andrews, Ismay and Smith...then get your asses out of there. Got it?" Jose and Panchito looked at Pete in confusion, having only heard the no women and children rule and to get Anderson and Smith. "Right doc" Jose answered, "No rules. Get the bigwigs off the boat and get our hides out. Got it, now are we goanna do this or stand here talking about cause there's the standing thing." Panchito immediately slapped Jose in reply, "Don't talk back to the Captain Jose. He's paying us to be here." Pete slapped Panchito with his backhand, which was harder than his regular hand, "I ain't paying you shit unless you get us on that boat!" Panchito nodded and pulled out three crudely made grappling hooks.

Once the hooks were attached to Titanic, they began climbing hand over hand up to the ship. Halfway through, Pete lost his grip on his right hand, "Of all the years I have to go time traveling this is the year that I decide to skip on the diet!" Pete cried in almost pure agony as he regained his hold and looked down, "Not today. No sir. I may be a cat and I may be a ship captain, but that don't mean I like water any more than the next the guy." Jose and Panchito weren't fairing much better, Jose had to resort to losing the gloves and throwing them in the water, making his hands colder because the gloves were sticking to the rope and actually cause him to slide down in the opposite direction. Panchito 's feathers were getting in the way of his progress, his hands periodically pulling his feathers out of his wings, "Damn it" Panchito exclaimed, "I really need to see my wing guy" Panchito looked down, "and my genitals guy." Jose heard this and stared at Panchito with disgust, "People do that!" Panchito nodded, "Sure do. Pays well too from what I hear." Jose shook his head as he continued to climb, "You're disgusting Panchito. Like seriously." Panchito laughed, "Don't tell me what I already know, believe me I know."

Pete was the first one to reach Titanic's Boat Deck. Jose and Panchito appeared seconds later. "What's the plan Capitan de navio?" Panchito asked turning to Pete, who was obviously still the leader of the group, "Get Andrews, Joseph Ismay and John Smith off of this boat at all costs." Jose and Panchito nodded in understanding, "Great" Panchito said, "What are you goanna do?" Pete shook his head for he thought the answer should've been obvious, "Salvar vidas!" he shouted as he ran across the deck, just before Titanic hit the faithful iceberg.

Steamboat lazily moved around the iceberg and once again began talking Titanic up, "You okay?" he asked, his face showing concern. "I'm fine Steamboat" Titanic answered, "Just a little scrape." Mickey shook his head in disbelief. "Steamboat!" he yelled, "That was the iceberg!" Steamboat looked up Mickey, "What iceberg Mick?" Mickey rapped on Steamboat frame, "_The_ iceberg, you know the one that sinks the Titanic and sends her to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean!" Steamboat shook his head obliviously, "Oh right _that _iceberg. Yeah sorry must have missed it" Steamboat turned towards Titanic again, "Listen baby" he began, trying his earlier approach, "I hate to tell you this, but eh...you don't have much time left. Like maybe two, two and a half hours tops. So what do you say? Can we do it?" Titanic rolled her eyes and paid Steamboat no heed, "Steamboat if I was sinking I would know it by now. But guess what? I'm still going; I will make to New York or die trying." Steamboat nodded, "That's what I'm afraid of" he whispered to himself.

"Steamboat" Titanic said, a hint of guilt in her voice, "I'm sorry. Look you're a really nice guy and I do like you really. But we only just met and what you're asking me to do is crazy. I mean you haven't even taken me out to dinner yet and you already want to have sex with me?" Steamboat nodded, not feeling ashamed about anything, "Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. Cause I'll never get the chance to ride such a beautiful wave again. I think you're the most majestic thing in the ocean, and I know that I'm being forward and rushing things but you seriously only have like two hours left to live. Wouldn't you want to make that count, for that to mean something?" Titanic nodded, she couldn't argue with Steamboat's logic, "You have a point but still...I would prefer to wait." Steamboat shrugged and simply puttered along in silence, after several minutes he spoke again, "Can I at least kiss you?" he asked meagerly, Titanic, simply wanting Steamboat to go away or at least stop talking nodded. Steamboat in response, gently kissed Titanic on what would've been her cheek and smiled, "Now I can say that I've seen the world" Steamboat declared, "My life is now complete. Every boat's dream is to meet you and now I can say that I have. I want to thank you for that. I want to thank you for giving me hope that maybe I can be unsinkable too." Titanic stared at Steamboat curiously and spoke again, "Do you realize the irony in that statement if I do sink?" Steamboat nodded, "Yes" he replied, "but I wouldn't care. Cause I would go down thinking of you. That's what we all do. The last thoughts are always, "Now I'm like her. Like the Titanic." We know that it's not really the case, but just the fact that we have something in common, like being underwater, it's meaningful to us. You've given hope. We don't look at sinking the same way anymore, we're not afraid to die. You made us that way and I'm proud to say right now Titanic. I really am. So go ahead, I know what you're thinking. If you want to punch me right now, send all my friends to their deaths, go ahead. I wouldn't mind." Mickey and Jose heard this and immediately rapped on Steamboat causing him to shut up and continue putting along in silence.

Pete ran across the A Deck, gathering up as many passengers as he could find which were amounting to at least 105 people. When all was said and down Pete addressed the crowd, standing on top of a lifeboat for everyone to see, "Everyone listen up!" he boomed, "my name is Captain Pete of the USS Steamboat Willie" Steamboat let off his steam to let everyone on deck know of his existence, "I am here to inform you that Titanic is sinking. In less than two hours you will all be dead, unless you don't get those lifeboats in the water now." At this, every single person, all 105 passengers began laughing, "Is this guy serious?" a voice said from the crowd, "It's the Titanic, the Unsinkable Ship." Pete huffed and pulled out a newspaper, issued two days after the disaster that the time machine printed out and read the headline, "April 17th, 1912. Titanic, the Unsinkable Ship...sinks. Estimated causalities are believed to be in the hundreds." The man looked around the audience, "Well then" he said, "I guess that means we should...run for our lives!" This immediately caused a panic and scattered everyone in different directions, each of them going for different sides of the ship in a desperate effort to escape.

The crew members were working diligently to get the lifeboats up, but no sooner had they gotten one prepared had the passengers rushed it, sending the boat crashing to the water. Pete desperately tried to maintain some kind of order, by blowing his whistle, but at that point, it was hopeless.

Meanwhile, Panchito was making his way up the Grand Staircase, distributing life vests and looking for Andrews. "Senor Andrews!" he yelled as he entered the First Class smoking room, "Senor Andrews!" Thomas Andrews was standing by the fireplace and smoking a cigar as he looked at the watch on the mantelpiece. "Senor Andrews" Panchito said once again as he approached him, causing him to turn around, "Who are you?" Andrews asked, "Can't you see I'm busy?" Panchito nodded and noticed that his life vest was on the table. "Por favor Senor" Panchito begged, "You have to get out of here. There are a lot of people who are going to die and you're one of them." Andrews nodded in understanding, Panchito looked at his watch and hurried out of the room, "You don't have to do this Senor" Panchito screamed, "You can still be a hero and live!" Andrews smiled and said nothing, accepting his fate as Panchito ran out of the room and back on the Boat Deck.

Jose sighed heavily, by the time he got to the Command Deck, Captain Smith was already dead. Jose helped as many people as he could into the lifeboats and ran back to the grappling hooks to climb back into Steamboat. By the time Jose stepped foot to the safety of Steamboat, Pete had already gotten most of first class and all of the lifeboats save for the ones that Jose and Panchito launched, at full capacity and in the Atlantic. Looking around the deck of Steamboat Willie, Jose also noticed that it was full of passengers of all classes, races and genders. The only one who wasn't aboard was Pete.

Pete was busy trying to save as many people as he could. Running all the way down to E Deck and back trying to get as many passengers and crew members to come with him to fill Steamboat. Only one person agreed to come with him, a woman named Maggie. Maggie was in many ways, exactly like Pete, for one thing like Pete she was a cat. A little bit on the hefty side but nowhere near Pete, Maggie was known to be a little rough around the edges with a soft exterior, like Pete. And also like Pete, Maggie loved traveling, boats and anything having to do with rank or authority, making her the perfect match. Pete saw this and perhaps a little bit more for as soon as he saw her, his face became warmer, kinder if you will. "What's your name?" Pete asked as he ran up what was left of the Boat Deck, "I'm Maggie" she answered," Are you really a captain?" Pete blushed a bit and nodded, "Yes ma'am" Pete replied, trying to maintain his dignity, "Captain of the USS Steamboat Willie" Pete and Maggie reached the Boat Deck and Pete gestured to Steamboat, who only bellowed his horn once again, "You ain't goanna be the Captain of anything if you don't hurry it up Pete!" Steamboat yelled, "She's going down man, like really down." Pete looked around and only saw one option. There was still a grappling hook attached to Titanic, if he could cut it at the right time they could swing to safety. Pete turned to Maggie, "Maggie, do you trust me?" Maggie looked around and Pete saw her eyes which at that moment had no color, they weren't blue, they weren't green or brown, in that moment they were purely white, shining as clear as diamonds. Pete didn't even hear her when she said yes and grabbed the rope. Maggie rolled her eyes and placed Pete's hands on the rope and held him close, waiting patiently for Pete to jump off. Pete, for several seconds, just stood there on the Boat Deck, just breathing and making sure that this moment was real. He looked at his friends on Steamboat, he looked at Maggie and then at himself, he smiled as he thought about the reality of this moment. Pete squeezed Maggie as hard as he could and jumped.

They hit the cold water hard; it chilled their bones and for a moment froze their hearts. Pete wouldn't have cared if he died then, for just to be locked with Maggie in that moment was enough for him to say that he had lived. But Pete knew that he had to push on, if not for his sake, for Maggie's and for everyone on Steamboat and in the lifeboats, so Pete tugged on the rope, the signal for Donald to pull it in and waited.

Donald tugged and tugged with everyone he had, but the combined weight of Pete and Maggie was too great for him alone. Jose and Panchito ran over to help but even then the weight was too much. "Help us" Donald cried towards the passengers, who remained motionless, "Please they'll die!" Still the passengers remained silent and frozen as if they had already met their fate in the water. "Are you kidding me?" Donald yelled, "We scratched your back, now it's time to pay up and scratch ours!" Ismay came forward and grabbed Panchito's waist and heaved with everything they had, finally bringing Pete and Maggie to the surface and on Steamboat's deck. Ismay laughed heartedly as he looked around, "This was my fault anyway, time to redeem myself." Pete stood up and extended his hand towards Maggie, who took it and without warning embraced Pete, "Thank you Pete" Maggie said, "You saved us all." Pete shook his head humbly, "What is a Captain without his crew?" Donald, Mickey, Jose and Panchito shook this off, "You're just saying that Pete" they all said in unison.

Steamboat looked down at Titanic, "Steamboat?" Titanic cried, "What's happening?" Steamboat sighed, "You're making history" Steamboat replied as a single tear went down his face. Titanic's face was just close enough for Steamboat to reach it safely; Steamboat leaned and kissed Titanic lovingly, "Thanks" Steamboat continued, "Heart of the Ocean." Titanic looked at him confusingly and rolled her eyes, "Screw it" she declared as she kissed him back just as she went out of range, "When you sink" Titanic declared, "This ass is yours." Steamboat's mouth was agape at this, "Damn" he said, "Well...thanks baby...I'll think of you every day!" Titanic nodded and simply smiled and sank to the bottom of the ocean floor, never to be seen for another 75 years.

There was much rejoicing after that, at least among the crew of Steamboat. "We did it!" Pete screamed as he began to do a ridiculous dance, "We did it...we did it. We're heroes, we're heroes...We changed the course of history...yeah, yeah..." Mickey and Donald couldn't help laugh as Panchito pulled out his phone and started recording, "This is so going on YouTube" Panchito declared while Jose began to actually do work and distribute food and dry clothing to the passengers of the Titanic, who remained silent and faces stricken with grief, not at the loss of life, which was now few in number, but at the loss of their belongings and their financial security.

Most of the trip to New York was done in complete silence. Donald, during this leg of the journey, did his best attempt at constructing a number pad for the time machine's interface, a quick slap on the side of the machine caused it to turn on and for the best of Donald's knowledge, make the time machine work. Ismay leaned over Donald and shook his head, "You'll never get it done that way. Here let me show you." Ismay pulled out a welding torch and welded the number pad to the rest of the machine, "There. Now it should work no problem." Donald only stared at Ismay and at the time machine in total confusion and bewilderment.

Steamboat reached the New York harbor the following morning. Pete oversaw that everyone on board made it safely to shore. Maggie was the last to leave. It made Pete's heart break a bit when she stepped foot on the sidewalk but he knew that it was for the best. Steamboat however, saw the look in Pete's eyes and sighed deeply, "Go to her Pete" Steamboat said, "its okay. I can manage with Mickey." Pete closed his eyes and breathed in, "I can't Steamboat. I'll never find another woman like her again, but I can't just leave my crew. What kind of captain would I be?" Mickey and Donald laughed, "A damned good one" Mickey answered, "Follow your heart Pete and you will find all the answers." Pete nodded and turned around towards the sidewalk to find Maggie standing directly behind him. "Did you really mean that?" Maggie asked curiously, her eyes shining once again, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't mean it" Pete answered, "I like you Maggie. Like you a lot, hell you might say that I-" Pete was cut off by Maggie who kissed him passionately, "I know" Maggie answered as she broke away, "that's why I'm coming with you." Pete was too surprised and too excited to even so much as protest. He couldn't even speak, the only thing he was able to do was move aside and let Maggie on Steamboat.

"So where to?" Pete asked to no one in particular as Mickey steered Steamboat out of the harbor, "Where ever the wind blows Captain" Mickey answered, "Shall we then?" Jose asked as he stood next to the time machine, "Why the hell not?" Maggie replied, catching everyone off guard, "What?" she said, "If I'm going to be going with you I might as I well get some say around here. And I say, shove off!" Pete laughed as he embraced Maggie with his right arm, Panchito looked up at Pete and smiled, "I like your girlfriend Senor Pete" he said, "definitely a keeper." Pete rolled his eyes as Jose punched in the time for the present day and kissed Maggie once again, just as Steamboat disappeared out of sight.


	2. A Fishing Trip Gone Wrong

"A Fishing Trip Gone Wrong or How They Got in the Middle of the Atlantic Ocean"

Pete woke up in his shack, not really sure if today was going to be a good day or a bad day. Sitting up from his bed and looking out the window, he could see Steamboat Willie, looking sad and lonely because he hadn't been used in a while. Pete looked around his room and noticed for the first time that the room was way too small for a cat his size, which either told Pete that he needed to move, build a new shack, or lose weight. Pete went with the moving option. The bed was surrounded with clutter; everything from old newspapers, to random stacks of books to old, forgotten food was strewn around the room. Pete sighed and told himself that he needed to get a cleaning lady out here or simply do it himself, but then he remembered where he was, in a shack, and told himself not to bother.

Standing up Pete also noticed that he was completely naked. Looking down he could barely see his genitals, which made him for a moment at least, extremely depressed. He also noticed that he was facing an open window and that if someone were to walk by they would easily see Pete strewn about in all his naked glory. Pete yawned and lazily scratched his ass as he began searching through the piles of junk in his bedroom for a pair of underwear, at the same time wondering how or why he went to bed naked in the first place.

Pete found a pair of underwear covered completely in skid marks but he didn't really care and so put them on to show people that he had at least a little bit of decency. He rummaged through his closet, which was full of newspapers, looking for his white undershirt that he wore every single for the past fifty or so years that he had worked and lived at the docks. Upon finding it, Pete noticed that the shirt had a large hole in the back of it, but being the only shirt he could find, put it on and began the long and ridiculously sad search for pants.

Every morning Pete would do this. It would take him almost an hour for him to find a full set of clothes, sometimes they didn't even match, sometimes he went without underwear, sometimes without pants and on rare occasions he just went out without any clothes. On the rare incidents Pete went nude, the police were called and Pete was slammed with another public indecency charge. Pete would simply pay the fee and go home; only to find that he no longer had enough money to buy food or clothes because he had to pay the fine to keep him out of prison.

Pete walked into his kitchen on the other side of the small shack. The kitchen in many ways was worse than the bedroom. Everything was covered in dirt, the walls, the floor, the table and the chair. The sink, which didn't work, was full of dirty dishes; most of them were cracked and not usable anyway. The cabinets were falling apart, the table and char were falling apart and the ceiling was leaking. On top of that there were flies hovering all over the room, a result of a dead rat that died choking on a half eaten banana peel which was also next to the rat in the middle of the floor.

Not bothering to eat, Pete simply left the shack; every time he did he promised himself that he would never come back. Even going so far as to placing a wooden sign on the door that said, "Please Demolish By Owner's Request" hoping that someone would take him up on the offer and simply tear the shack down while he was out. But every night Pete would come back and find the shack still standing and Pete would cry, he wouldn't move or so much as get off of Steamboat for twenty minutes, he would just stand on the deck and cry.

As soon as Pete closed his door he could see the ocean and smell the calm sea air. It was perhaps the only good thing about living on the docks. Walking around to the other side of the shack, Pete walked over to the small concession stand, where Oswald the Lucky Rabbit was busy wiping the counter top. Oswald smiled as soon as he saw Pete and extended his hand, "How we doing today Pete?" Oswald asked, Pete shrugged, "As good as any other day Oswald." Oswald nodded and pulled out a glass and filled it with whiskey, Pete's usual. "Seen Mickey around?" Pete asked his voice full of concern and worry, "Nope" Oswald answered, "Haven't Mick for a couple of months. We Facebook and Tweet but that's about it. I miss the days when we would just come out here and fish yah know?" Pete nodded in understanding, "If you ever want to fish Oswald you can always ask. I'll take you out for nothing." Oswald smiled at Pete's generosity, "Thanks Pete. You know five years ago I would've called you a cold hearted bastard with disdain for just about everything that breathes. What changed?" Pete shook his head and downed his drink, motioning for another, "I can't really say" Pete answered," I think I may have undergone a drastic change in character development or perhaps I was rewritten. But that's just the pompous asshole answer. I'd like to think that Mickey had something to do with it. Now if he can only show up to work."

At that moment Mickey walked towards the docks. Directly behind him was Donald. "Now you're sure about this?" Mickey began turning towards Donald, "Working with Pete is a full time job. They can't be slacking off." Donald nodded in understanding, "Oh believe me Mick" Donald replied, "I know. Jose we can get to, Panchito on the other hand may be a problem. But you did say that Pete needed help right?" Mickey smiled as he and Donald walked towards Steamboat, who smiled at their arrival. Mickey patted Steamboat lovingly, "How's my favorite boat doing today?"Mickey asked, Steamboat shrugged, or at least the boat equivalent and spoke, "Okay I guess. I'm worried about Pete...he hasn't been himself lately." Mickey raised his eyebrows in confusion, "What do you mean?" he asked pressed further. "He just seems sad is all" Steamboat answered, "He won't talk to me like he used to. Always looking at that shack of his and crying his eyes out as if it's the end of the world. He's a mess Mickey. I don't know what to do." Donald sighed in understanding, for he had been in Pete's shoes many times to know what he was going through, especially after Disney started laying people off.

Pete walked onto Steamboat's deck; his steps were heavy and full of whiskey. Looking around the first thing he saw was Mickey. Pete's eyes were bloodshot red, his fur was matted and his white shirt with the large hole simply ripped apart completely as if Pete was the Incredible Hulk, but Pete didn't care. Mickey lowered his eyes in shame, realizing that it was going to be one of _those _days. "Captain Pete" Mickey said softly, his eyes cast down, "You sure you want to do this. We can always go another day you know." Pete smiled as he walked over to the helm, "No, no, no, and no. You guys wanted to fish. You guys get to fish. But tomorrow...we work! Got it?" Mickey nodded in understanding and saluted half heartedly. Donald leaned in towards Mickey, "Fishing! We're going fishing!" Mickey shook his head in disagreement, "When Pete's like this its best to just take things easy. We're technically on the clock, but if he tells you to fish, you damn well better grab a fishing pole and fish till you puke." Donald had nothing to say to this and so remained silent.

"Panchito, stop it!" Jose cried as he tried to get the rooster off of him, "Let go of me you bastard!" Panchito shook his head in disagreement as he held on to Jose's leg, "I will never let go of my Caballero. Never ever never ever never ever. Do you understand? NEVER!" Jose stopped walking and slapped Panchito with his umbrella, "Keep it together man!" Jose screamed, "This is the last time I am ever going to say this and I want you to listen to me. Get. The. Fuck. Off. My. Leg!" Jose wrenched his foot from Panchito's grip and continued on his way towards the dock. Panchito however was persistent, "Why can't I come with you?" Panchito said starting to whine, "I don't know" Jose answered, "Why do you always have to whine about everything you big, overgrown baby?" Panchito had no reason to argue, for he was at times very much a baby, "It's my nature!" Panchito continued in the same whiny voice, "Besides its only fishing what could I possibly do?" Jose shook his head, remembering the last fishing in which Panchito used him and Donald as live bait. "You know pretty damn well what you can do" Jose exclaimed annoyingly, "Now technically, the only reason you're along is to cheer up Senor Pete. I wanted to bring Federico." Panchito only whined even more at the mention of Federico, "You wanted to bring the dirty Cuban! You wanted to bring the sex crazed, pimp machine over me?" Jose nodded, "Yes. Because he can get me laid in an hour, drunk in forty-five minutes and high out of my ass in three seconds, you can't do shit."

Panchito was deeply hurt by this but only for a moment and immediately shook this off and went back to begging and clutched Jose's leg as if letting go would mean being sucked into the darkest regions of Hell. "Please let me come with you!" Panchito screamed as Jose reached the dock, "Please, please, please, please, please, please!" Jose reached Steamboat Willie, Panchito continued begging," Please! I'll do anything. Anything." Jose decided to capitalize on this and looked down on Panchito, "Anything Panchito?" Panchito nodded eagerly, hoping that Jose's request was within reason. "Okay" Jose continued, "I want you to get me three Brazilian Cigars, declare me the King of Underworld and swear your service to me." Panchito understood the first request but was confused by the second and third, "What?" he asked, "King of the Underworld? That doesn't even make any sense?" Jose laughed, "I always wanted to have an army of the undead" Jose declared, "To crush my enemies and step on their bones. To finally have sex with sexy demons and to had awesome demon parrot children with which I shall burn the rainforest and become Emperor of the World." Panchito's eyes were bulging out his head in disbelief, "You're serious? You want me to do that! Really? That's impossible!" Jose shook his head and grabbed Panchito's beak bringing him close, "If you tell anyone" Jose threatened, "I'm going to rip this off. Understand?" Panchito nodded in understanding and said nothing, at the same time realizing that he was on Steamboat. To cover up grabbing Panchito's beak, Jose kissed Panchito, forcing his tongue down the rooster's throat and fondling Panchito's feathers a bit to make it look more realistic.

This scene caused Mickey and Pete's mouths to drop to the ground and Donald to throw up over the side of the boat. Jose broke away and Panchito slapped the parrot as hard as he could and pulled out his guns, tackling Jose down in the process, "If you ever, ever do that again, I will shoot you in the ass until you puke bullets." Jose only laughed in response, "Come on Panchito" he said with a hint of lust in his voice, "you know you liked that." Panchito jammed his pistol in Jose's beak and clicked the hammer, "Any last words Jose?" Panchito asked, Jose nodded and Panchito slowly pulled the pistol out of Jose's beak. Jose in response grabbed Panchito's shirt collar and rolled over, now on top of the rooster. Jose pulled out a switchblade, "I was covering up our deal you asshole!" Jose explained, "I would never in a million years even think of consciously doing that on purpose! And if you ever threaten me with your guns, you can just say goodbye to that Brazilian prostitute I promised you because you ain't getting her. That bitch is mine, my personal prostitute in my service. She does whatever I say...whatever I say if you catch my meaning and if I say no, she'll just go back to fucking me, but then again she was going to do that anyway." Jose brought the knife to Panchito's throat, Panchito as a reflex brought his gun to Jose's temple, "Go ahead" Jose threatened, "Make your move wetback."

Pete rolled his eyes and gave a roar reminiscent of a lion's causing Jose and Panchito to lower their weapons, stand up and stand at attention all in one motion. "Now" Pete said giving a glaring look to both Panchito and Jose, "Let's get one thing straight. There will no weapons on my ship. None...so you if wish to remain in my employment hand over anything you're carrying." Jose nodded in understanding and gave up his switchblade and his pistol. Panchito however, in a panic pulled out his other gun and aimed both of them at Pete, "No way!" Panchito yelled, "I won't let you take Jorge and Loretta from me. I'll die first." Pete, Donald, Mickey and Jose raised their eyebrows and gave a questioning look Panchito's way, "Really?" Donald exclaimed, "You named your guns?" Panchito nodded, "Yeah so...what's wrong with that?" Mickey shook his head in disbelief, "You named them Jorge and Loretta?" Panchito nodded again. "Si" he answered, "They're lovers Senor. When they work together, firing bullets into a poor soul such as you they make the sweet music of love. It's really a beautiful thing to watch." Pete walked forward, not in the mood for anymore of this tomfoolery and hit Panchito square on the head, causing the rooster to see stars.

Pete wrenched Panchito's guns from Panchito's hand and threw them along with Jose's weapons into the lake never to be seen again. "Now that that's over with" Pete began again, "We can get out of this shithole." Pete started up Steamboat and drove him out to the lake. Steamboat yawned as he moved, "Well this is new" Steamboat said out of nowhere and looked up at Pete, "What's the occasion Pete?" Pete shrugged, "Don't really know Steamboat. Mickey and his deadbeat friends wanted to go fishing, so I'm taking them fishing." Steamboat nodded sarcastically, "Uh-huh, sure and I suppose that you're doing this for free?" Pete nodded in agreement, "Yep. Out of the kindness of my heart Willie" Steamboat laughed, "Of all that's worth" he replied, "Face it Pete, you may have fooled everyone else of this so called "new leaf" thing but you haven't fooled me. You're just as much of a jerk now as you were fifty years ago and you know it." Pete groaned and pulled out the fishing nets and the fishing poles, "Is that a bet?" he asked challengingly. Steamboat laughed, "The usual wager? Loser has to drive back?" Pete nodded and the bet was on.

The rules of the bet, which was more along the lines of simply telling lies, were simple. Pete and Steamboat would tell the worst story that they could think of about the other. Whoever got the most people to believe them would win. As is tradition, Steamboat started first. "Hey guys" Steamboat began, "Did you hear about the time Pete killed that one guy?" Panchito and Jose looked at Pete with surprise, "You killed a guy!" Jose screamed, "What'd you use?" Panchito asked morbidly eager. "So you guys didn't hear?" Steamboat said with surprise, "Well the story goes that Pete walked up to this guy, a regular run of the mill businessman and whips out his dick and starts beating the poor bastard to death with it." Jose looked on in shock, Panchito's eyes widened with eagerness; "Cool" he said with emphasis on the O, "Did you stick it up the guy's ass?" Pete groaned, hating Steamboat for taking it too far and rapped on Steamboat's side, the signal for Steamboat to fuss up. "I can't believe you fell for that!" Steamboat cried, "You're so gullible Panchito. Really are you that stupid?" Panchito said nothing in response.

Just as Pete was about to take his turn, Steamboat stopped moving. "What's going on?" Pete said looking down at Steamboat, "Don't know" Steamboat replied, "I can't move...it's weird..." Mickey ran around to the check the gauges, everything was fine. "We're all good down here Capt'" Mickey cried, Steamboat continued forward without further incident.

Five minutes later they reached the middle of the lake. As Donald and Jose were preparing the fishing poles, Pete started his turn. "Hey Mickey, did I ever tell you about the time that Steamboat let out so much steam that he got high off his own fumes?" Mickey laughed, "Yeah I do remember!" he shouted, "It was a foggy morning and Steamboat, for some reason, thought that it would be a good idea to..." Steamboat drowned out the rest of the story, having heard it so many times before, each time not wanting to relive it.

Four more hours passed and so far Jose, Donald, Mickey and Panchito hadn't caught a single fish. Steamboat was getting bored, very bored. To amuse himself he began to rattle the various loose parts on the deck by swaying side to side. Pete shot a glaring look down, "How many times have I told you Willie. Stop that swaying, you're goanna break something." Steamboat huffed, "Well I gotta have something to do" he replied, "Besides it's not hurting anything. What's goanna happen the universe goanna explode? Are we goanna rupture the space time continuum or some random bullshit like that?" Steamboat said this sarcastically not realizing that his rattling inadvertently caused a few bolts to become loosened; a loud thud could be heard in the storage compartment.

All of them looked around trying to figure out what the sound was, after several seconds they went back to whatever it was they were doing. Then without warning a green light appeared and Steamboat and everyone on him disappeared.


End file.
